Dumb-Stirred Debris

Achoo

Springtime is icumim in,

Lewd sing boohoo,

Grass flyeth up, throats dryeth up

And how the snouts doth pour.

Sing boohoo, achoo, cuckoo

Hives fryeth up, eyes cryeth up

And sinuses doth roar

Lewd sing achoo, boohoo

Boohoo, boohoo, boohoo

'Tis cuckoo,

Achoo, achoo, lewd cryeth up

Spring is icumin in.

Achoo, boohoo, achooo!

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Brain Rust

My brain jangles as I jog.

Once it was iron, now it's rust,

Dusky dust clogs each cog.

I dont think unless I must.

But to run the world,

Run in the world and earn a crust,

I need only will and lust.

I needn't think, and that is just

How our world turns and churns,

And burns - and it that just?

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Brain Rot

If once my brain was made of glue

(Everything just stuck to it),

Now my brain is made of goo,

Ooze in a crusty pot -

Pale and putrid, it's no riot:

My brain has turned to rot

I think, or think not.

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Duck Dog

I ain't nothin' but a bird dog

Trackin' air and water fowl.

Lost ducks in fog or bog?

Proud bird dog's on the prowl!

If dog don't get 'em, call Tom Cattus;

If cat don't do it, call Fred Fox;

He'll gobble wings, then blow flatus -

No more mallard "he"s on these blocks,

No quacks honking of their status.

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Roachy

Attach a leash to your roach,

Strut proudly in the lead.

When critics gawk and reproach,

Say "He's an exotic breed,

Sired specially and pedigreed",

That you've the papers to prove it

To all who would reprove it.

Say "My roach is not an 'it' - a 'he'

And he's very cheap to feed.

So I pamper him with luxery -

A hotel where he and wife can breed.

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I like your poem, deep and witty.

Skies sculpt clouds gratis for the city;

Streams don't charge but dance free. Pity

Me, without your depth of charity.

You give wisdom, I pen a ditty

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Panther

Black panther in black panther shadow,

Please don't pounce on worms below:

We taste like gristle, not like meat -

Not tasty as a big cat treat.

Black panther in a black cat sky,

Don't pounce at cheetahs padding by:

Pride would roar and rant against defeat

By those teasing, too fleet feet.

Panther roars while hunger cries

Into deaf darkness until panther dies

Beneath cat-quiet, blind black skies.

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The Fool Express

I ride first class on the Fool Express -

Let that excuse my mismatched dress,

My bleats and wails instead of "yes",

My pumpkin grin when I regress,

The sometimes largeness of my largess.

I jingle, jangle, would impress

You with the random music in my guess,

The flitter in my anything mess,

My balloon nose, my glow-wig ugliness;

I'm the Empress of Unruliness.

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Gotta Look Tough

Gotta look strong, gotta look tough,

Gotta look macho and strut my stuff.

Even though I'm a girl it just ain't cool

For blood tears and dirge fouled drool

To stain vinyl cheeks and molded grins

And skin as sculpted as a manequin's.

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The Truth about Xmas

Rudolf refused a simple nose job,

And so was abducted by a cop;

The Yonkers lights had all gone bonkers;

Rudy's nose blinked traffic to a stop.

The elves read a Workers' Manifesto

So skate on glaciers while on strike;

Santa advertises for cheap labor,

Cursing every greedy griping groping tyke.

Mrs. Claus, 3 centuries married,

Bored, is filing for divorce;

The Old man can keep the igloo palace

And elves (Their manners are too course)

Santa, age 400, has got brain rot,

And so wears woolin tropic air;

Someday he'll die of heatstroke

Or break high rise windows on a dare.

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Werewolf

If wolf were bear,

We would care.

Were wolf bare,

Spare, minus hair,

He wouldn't dare

And we'd not care...

If bare wolf were bear

And here, not there,

And bare grew hair,

Then we'd beware

The daring werebear

Who was once bare.

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Holly Daze

Holly-day folly for this Festivus -

Who'll be the guest v' us

On this feast for the best v' us?

Will he come from the east or the west v' us,

Bearing gifts that are the test v' us?

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Mr. Snot's Snout

Boogers, boogers everywhere!

Some are round, some are square;

Some coil in chartreuse curlicues,

Some roll like billiard balls, two by two.

He digs his pinky in his snout,

Gropes and groans and grabs one out,

Lifts it lovingly to his monocle -

Is it gold, or banal brown like a barnacle?

Has he ored a flat black nasal scab

Or amber chunk, garnished with a bloody dab?

Boogers, boogers, should he fry 'em?

Boil them to goo and then dye 'em?

Dunk them to sell as cocoa covered chews,

Roast, salt and mix them with cashews?

Succulent and proteinaceous,

Sating stomachs craving and capacious.

Nutritious, delicious, served frozen or spicy hot,

The gourmand's pick is salted snot.

Boogers, boogers everywhere,

Boogers perching green in a tweezer,

Send crowds scurrying in a scare.

Does this gauche and grungy geezer

Even wonder, does he care?

No, the justest penalty to impose

Is to lop off the busy nose

Of snooty, snotty Mr. Sneezer.

Then box the snout and promptly hawk it

As the newest prize for crowds to gawk at.

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Spam

When Yahoos serve us lots of spam,

Why not also toast and jam,

Eggs steaming on a laquered breakfast tray,

Expresso for a hype-hopping day?

Though bacon may make 'em smack'em

And slick fried chicken make 'em lick 'em,

Spam and ham are too fat and salty;

Give me Ovaltine, sweet and malty.

If you do, here's what I'll do -

I'll give my lard-lush spam to you

Gratis, free, no need to pay.

(So, is there a deal between us two?)

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all art and writing copyright by cl Frost